COLUMN: The bravest people I know

A man was homeless, and then housed, and then lost his housing. He shared that he was sad that he messed that opportunity up, and he wants to try again. When some wait lists opened, I helped him to apply online.

A housing person contacted me last week, asking if I could find him, and have him call her ASAP — his name came up for a possible opportunity. I don’t often know where people are, yet I am lucky and grateful to know people, who know people, who know people. Someone let me know in the same day that he was found and was connecting with the housing person. Yay-ness! 

I bumped into him today, and asked him how he’s doing, and if this possibility might pan out? And he calls me Bubbles, from when I used to bring bubbles and giant bubble wands to a local park. And people would join me blowing bubbles, or not. And mostly, over time, people joined. Even shy guys who had a tougher reputation to promote and protect.

He tells me parts of his story that I didn’t know. When he got housing the first time, they wanted him to do rehab and counseling and get mental health meds. And he told them that he knows the rehab steps and he can do it on his own, if he’s not also struggling to survive in the streets. And he told them that he’s not taking meds, and he’s not doing counseling to drown in his past when that’s not who he is now. He’s not going back to that; it serves no purpose. And even with him refusing those terms, they housed him anyway. 

He tells me that he asked the housing woman what are the terms this time? What strings are attached? And she shares a similar set of terms. And he tells me that he doesn’t need rehab, and he’s not doing meds. And past-me would have wondered why NOT?! Why NOT get more stability via meds? And current me has learned so much about how and why meds are not feasible for many people — our medicines and “cures” can often be worse than the illnesses they supposedly cure or ease. And current-me still has so much more to learn. But at least I now know that there are valid reasons people might opt not to take meds, and the reasons are NOT about being service resistant. Too often, the systems and meds are really people-resistant.

And he tells me that he doesn’t need counseling. What good can come from revisiting past pains and situations and feelings? What good can come from sharing things he’s ashamed of? And he’s not that person now anyway — who he is now is all that matters.

And then she asked him — what if she went to counseling sessions with him? And he tells me again that he’s not doing counseling. Why would he put himself through all that? And, if he’d accept her offer to go with him, that’s *another* person hearing all his private feelings and situations. 

And then he tells me this – he thought about it more, and it crystallized more that she is offering to go to counseling with him. And this is a woman who would sign up to hear what he says to the counselor. She’d hear things she can never un-hear. She’d be up some nights, unable to sleep, because of some things she would hear. And he tells me that THIS woman is willing to do that, for him. And he’s going to accept her offer. Because this woman is for real.

I know this woman, just work-wise, as a partner. I’ve always liked and admired her. Today, she grew taller than tall.

So many bad things and appalling horrific-ness happens every day. As good things also happen daily, even though they get less publicity. Neither the good nor the bad negates the other. And angels also walk among us. 

And today, this man and his housing person are the bravest people I know.

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Lynelle Wilcox - Special to Salem Reporter

Lynelle Wilcox has served people experiencing homelessness in Salem for six years - initially volunteering at warming centers and homeless events. As people shared their stories through the years, she saw how much a smile and hello can create commonality, connection, and sometimes hope. And hope can change everything. She writes about some of the things she’s learned along the way, and shares some of the stories. She adores her kids, and loves vivid colors, cats, happy clothes, music, cooking, skies, dogs, and daisies.