In shelter life, cliché success stories are often about someone getting a job or an apartment. And those things are significant and empowering accomplishments. We especially want and celebrate when someone obtains a stable place to live.
And still I wish our society might consider “success” more broadly.
Success can also be the girl who was able to sleep safely and grow hope, but still is too scared and traumatized to “move forward.” But now there’s a chance she might get there.
Success can also be the woman who was terrified to be in a shelter for the first time in her life, yet she stayed anyway, and worked through her fears, and she became more aware of how abusive her ex was.
She eventually went back to him anyway. Yet at least now, she knows she has a safe place to escape to, if it comes to that point again.
And success can be the woman who suddenly takes too long in the morning because she’s doing her makeup. She didn’t care how she looked before but now she cares and wants to do makeup and feel pretty.
Success can be someone who dressed down and baggy on purpose, so she wouldn’t attract attention. Even though rape has nothing to do with what we wear, it can be so easy to believe that it’s on women to prevent it by blending into the background.
And success can be when she decides to believe it isn’t her fault and never was her fault. She lets herself dress and bloom pretty, not letting the rapists or society win anymore by making herself smaller.
Success can be someone who opts for detox or rehab and falls off the wagon again, yet knows that when she stops her loops, and even along the way, she now feels the truth that people love her and are rooting for her.
And success can be the girl who is scared and never was employed, and she grows bravery and gets a job. And it isn’t a fit. But she’s brave enough now to quit her job and try again.
Success can happen with the woman who had no hope, and gave up on life, and herself. There was no reason to stop medicating with meth because it keeps her warm and helps her stay awake at night for her safety. And it helps her feel better, even if just temporarily. Even if the drug might kill her along the way of “saving” her.
Yet why work hard to give it up if she’s just going to die on the streets anyway? It’s not an if, it’s just a matter of when. And success can be the crystal moment of feeling that maybe she won’t die on the streets. Maybe she can have a better life.
She doesn’t have a job or an apartment, and she may still be years from that. Yet success can be when someone feels hope – again, or for the first time ever. Because seeds we plant can’t grow when someone’s already killed themselves in their own head. Yet seeds might sprout when someone decides they might have a reason to live after all. Seeds might sprout when someone finds hope.
And success can be when someone comes in to a shelter worn down, with no opinions, no oomph, maybe from years of abuse, neglect, sex trafficking, or rapes. They accept anything offered to them as if they are not worthy of anything.
And one day, that woman rejects the pink shirt you offer because she really hoped for green, because she remembers now about her favorite color. And it can be so easy to think and feel sentiments along the lines of beggars can’t be choosers.
And if our minds go there, success among shelter workers can be acknowledging that thought and feeling, reminding ourselves that it’s a valid feeling yet not accurate in this case, and responding from the perspective that “she found her voice.” We decide to respond from joy that she found her voice.
Remembering your favorite color, finding hope and a reason to live, finding bravery to quit a job and try again, even going back to abuse but this time with the knowledge that now you know where to go if you need to escape again, not telling yourself that you’re a horrible worthless person, each of these things are significant signs of success.
We are each more than whatever we might be going through. Success is bigger than how we so often define it.
STORY TIP OR IDEA? Send an email to Salem Reporter’s news team: [email protected].
SUPPORT OUR WORK – We depend on subscribers for resources to report on Salem with care and depth, fairness and accuracy. Subscribe today to get our daily newsletters and more. Click I want to subscribe!
Lynelle Wilcox - Special to Salem Reporter
Lynelle Wilcox has served people experiencing homelessness in Salem for six years - initially volunteering at warming centers and homeless events. As people shared their stories through the years, she saw how much a smile and hello can create commonality, connection, and sometimes hope. And hope can change everything. She writes about some of the things she’s learned along the way, and shares some of the stories. She adores her kids, and loves vivid colors, cats, happy clothes, music, cooking, skies, dogs, and daisies.
